On the institution of marriage

By now, I think I have told most if not all the people I know that I am getting married shortly. This topic was going through my mind and I decided to put pen on paper, or fingers on keyboard, to be more precise.

I happened to attend the wedding of two of my friends (as in the bride and groom both were my friends). This was a love marriage. On the day of the wedding the guy had a look of glee on his face while the bride had one of gloom. We (a few friends) who had attended were gesturing to the blue bride to smile! I unfortunately could not attend the wedding of another very good friend of mine, but she also told me that in the wedding her fiance was looking quite happy while she looked as if she could start bawling any moment. Both these couples were and are blissfully happy before and after their weddings (and may they continue to be that way). The gloomy expressions were reserved only for the day of the wedding.  Going by conventional wisdom, I believe the situation should be the other way round! Sample these -

1. Aadmi shaadi ke baad sher ban jaata hain, durga ma ke paas jo hota hain, wo! (After marriage a man becomes a lion, the one that Goddess Durga rides on, the wife being Durga here :D) - this gem from a senior of mine at work.

2. Marriage is an institution when a man loses his bachelor's degree and a woman gains her master's!

3. Shaadi (or Delhi, I am not sure) ke laddu khaane se bhi pachtaaoge, nahi khaane se bhi pachtaaoge (I am not totally sure I have understood the meaning of this till date).

What might be the explanation? Does the woman suddenly realize the change that will take place in her life? But in that case the same is the situation in the case of the guy. In the olden days the bride used to accompany her husband to his parents' place. However often this is not the case today. Owing to work pressures many children, whether guys or girls are already staying away from their parents. Maybe guys are wired to handle (or suppress) their emotions better? Maybe this is at the root of the entire issue?

Then we come to the issue of love vs arranged marriages. As we all know there are love marriages which have gone bad and there are arranged marriages which have thrived and vice versa. There can be some debate on whether or not, and if yes, for how long, a guy and a girl should get to know each other before the wedding. In the olden days there have been many instances when the two did not even see each other before the wedding! Today's generation is different. There are many who want to know the guy/girl for at least a few months before they say yes. Even though this reduces the chance of friction what is the guarantee that the friction would not occur. I have had the luck (privilege or whatever) of seeing many happy marriages. I know of some unhappy ones too, but I still believe in the institution and sanctity of marriage. I met someone recently in the line of my work. We were unwinding after work and the topic moved to marriages. This person has had quite a colourful life and has also seen some weird relationships. This has led to a fear of marriages in him, though his parents are currently on the lookout for a suitable match.

Further education and financial independence have opened up entirely new scenarios today. I heard of a case where the guys' parents got him married as there would be somebody to take care of him and cook for him (I am sure this was only one of the considerations). The girl then told him that she could either do house work or be employed but could not do both. A second income is always helpful and the guy wanted her to work. He asked her to and the end result was that he started cooking for his wife also! Then there are guys/girls today who are very determined about what they want in a partner and would like to continue their search till they find someone fitting that description.

I am nobody to say one way is right or the other wrong. In my opinion all that matters and should matter is whether the constituents of the couple are happy with each other, whether they are willing to compromise (note, I do not say settle) and understand each other to live happily together. How often have we not heard the saying that the husband and the wife are like the wheels of a chariot. If either one does not function the way it should the chariot (or the marriage) cannot progress. That, in my opinion is the key to everything.