On 4 June 2017, I was in the thirty third year of my existence in this life. I was under the impression that with my general exposure to the world I had hardened enough to be no longer very emotional, or at least no longer was prone to breaking down in tears. This was when fate decided to spring a surprise on me.
This was the day my daughter was born. Unfortunately for me, I was out of town on some work and could not be present at the exact time of her birth. I had gotten out of the flight and was on a call with my brother-in-law. He told me my wife had gone into labour a little while before and as he was speaking to me, he suddenly told me that the child was born and that I was the father to a daughter. To my utter surprise I broke down in tears of happiness and gratitude. With the quantum of tears streaming down my face, I am quite sure I was noticeable to other travellers. I immediately called my parents and boss to update them. My boss, who knew we were expecting, was initially worried as he could only hear sobs at the other end of the line. A few seconds later he understood they were the outcome of too much joy.
My mother and father still dote on me and my sister. I used to make fun of my mother when she used to be very caring and protective of my sister and me. Now in an interesting twist she makes fun of me for the attachment I have towards my daughter (I still make fun of her that I take after my mother). My father used to tell me that for parents, a thorn that hurts a child's foot is like a thorn in the parents' heart. Now I understand what he meant. She is a few months old. I am already planning to get her husband to stay with my wife and me when she gets married. Recently there was a possibility that I my wife and my daughter to stay away from me for a few months. I was surprised by the sadness I felt (thankfully, the need no longer looks to be there). My wife keeps asking me how we used to spend time, especially on weekends before she was born. I do not have a specific response as such!
On a lighter note, an anecdote. My mother, mother-in-law, wife were in a room and my daughter was playing on the bed. My mother stood up on the bed to adjust a malfunctioning tube light. I immediately asked her to be careful so that she did not fall on the little one. My mother-in-law remarked tongue-in-cheek that the father was more worried about his daughter getting hurt than the son was worried about his mother losing her balance and hurting herself! True, no? :D
On a related note, a man can only wonder about the pain a woman goes through in her life. There is the monthly pain they experience for most of their lives. On top of it is the pain of childbirth. If I as a father who plays no physical role in the actual birth of the child can be so attached, one can only wonder about the love and attachment of a mother.
I occasionally read spiritual stuff. I am not saying I am a spiritual person, but I do read stuff. One thing that keeps cropping up a lot is how we build attachments and that is the root of our misery. Recently when my daughter was sitting in my wife's lap and refused to come to me, it hurt. It makes me wonder, how petty can one be? I obviously could not remain angry with her but that kind of reminds me of a sloka from the Bhagavad Gita.
dhyaayato viShayaan pumsah sangasteShoopajaayate
sangaat sanjaayate kaamah kaamaat krodhobhijaayate
When one constantly thins of worldly things, one gets attached to them. From attachment arises desire. From (unfulfilled) desire arises anger.
Is this not true in our daily lives as well? We have expectations from the people in our life. These may be our "loved one" - spouses, parents, friends, relatives etc. in our personal lives or our bosses, colleagues etc. in our professional lives. When they do not meet our expectations, we become angry with them.
Starting from this post I am planning to write up stuff on Hindu dharma and philosophy.
For the moment, my daughter is 7 months old, and I am already wondering how I will survive sending her off after marriage!
